Perhaps you noticed that last Monday I failed to post my weight and this week also, no change.  Well last week I weighed one pound MORE, and this week I lost that pound that I gained, but no more.  So, once again, I am ready to put my game face on and continue.  I was out and about all weekend, very little lounging around, but my food choices weren't that great.  I had pizza on Saturday--lunch with the Easter Bunny and though I skipped the ice cream, I did have a cookie from the bake sale.  Sunday we were out and though I had a small sub, I also had baked chips.  Out and about eating is much harder for me to make good choices.  Still working on my Cardio Max--5 days out of 7, so that's going well, but I'm hoping to lose more weight to meet my goals.  Guess that means no green beer for me today!

Still doing Cardio Max.  For some reason, it makes me love Bob less.  Trying to decide what to make for dinner, so I'm killing time looking up healthy recipes at FoodNetwork.com  hoping that something will jump out at me.  I can't believe they didn't show us who was kicked off Biggest Loser for the week.  I was a little sad that Bernie wasn't back on.    I can't believe how much weight all the at home people lost.  100 pounds in 2 1/2 months?  Are you kidding me?  Ally definitely deserved to come back.  She totally had to have busted her ass to lose as much weight as she did.  Enough of my ramblings.  Dinner awaits. 

Is the sun shining where you are?  Let me tell you, it makes all the difference.  I feel like all is possible again.  With family weddings to go to in both June and August, I'm setting a June 1st goal and an August 1st goal.  For June 1st I hope to be under 200 pounds.  Ideally I will be under 175 by August 1st.  So my goal will be more modest for June 1st, with the hope, no, the intention that I will smash right through it.  I have never really set weight goals before.  Hopefully by doing so, it will keep me focussed, inspired.  I'll start with these and see how I do, hopefully I will be able to make them more ambitious, but for now, I want them to be really acheivable.  Hoping your day is sunny too!

CardioMax is kicking my butt.  Thankfully the first workout is just long enough that I feel like I want to quit, but don’t actually have to.  I am sweating within the first 5 minutes, though.  It’s a pretty simple aerobic exercise, but you do one routine for 2 weeks and then move up a level, which should keep it from getting old.  I like the yoga at the end of the aerobics too.  Food wise I’m doing better too, last night a ginger stir fry of chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, onions and garlic with a little rice.  Oatmeal for breakfast and lunch was a veggie steamer pack and a mini whole grain pita with a bit of egg salad and spinach inside.  The best part?  It’s sunny and warm.  Well, relatively warm, like 32*, but sunny, so I had the stroller out and took my son for a walk.  As I huffed up the hill to our house, he said “Wow, mom that was a good workout.”  It was. 

So I shopped at a new grocery store today—Trader Joes.  I usually shop at Whole Foods and Woodman’s, so I needed a change.  It was good.  I bought a lot of different kinds of produce to try this week and some different kinds of fish and grains.  I also bought a couple different seasoning mixes and sauces for chicken and turkey.  Hopefully this will help keep me inspired to cook some healthy food.  I also picked up a Biggest Loser workout DVD—Cardio Max to try.  I’m starting to hate the treadmill.  Thanks for the new workout ideas too.  I looked for those DVD’s at Target today—Zumba and Turbo Jam.  Target didn’t have either one, but I checked out the websites for both and it looks fun, so I am definitely going to order another DVD to try.  After 2 months I think I just need to change things up a bit.  With the weather getting warmer (some day) I will hopefully be able to go out and walk with the stroller, which will be great too.  I feel much better today about continuing on this journey this year.  I can tell that it will be a journey, with lots of twists and turns along the way.  This isn’t just a 12 week program for me, it’s a new life. 

I’m feeling slumpy.  I need some new foods to eat, I need some new exercises to try, I need to do something NEW!  We were really sad to see Bernie go home on Tuesday night’s show.  He was our 12 year olds favorite.  It’s good to see that he has been continuing on with his weight loss.  It’s pretty impressive the number of people that go on from the show to completely change their lives and stay healthy.  On to my research for some “new” for my Thursday…

So apparently my mad baking day and steaks on the grill did not make for a good combination on my dieting quest.  Zero pounds lost this week.  It probably didn’t help that I skipped the treadmill both Saturday and Sunday.  To be honest, I just didn’t feel like it.  Some days everything just seems like too much effort.  But I got back on today, ready for a good week. 

Hey- we broke out the grill for the first time since the winter from hell began.  Remember that yummy steak with blue cheese crumbles from the Biggest Loser where they cooked for Rocco?  Oh yeah, it was even better than it looked.  Paired with some sautéed onion, red pepper, zucchini and spinach with olive oil and garlic.  Super yum dinner.  Finally we could go outside, to chip ice off of the driveway mostly, but the kids broke out their bikes and it was fantastic to get a little fresh air. 

I’ve not done so great the last 2 days.  I baked brownies and zucchini muffins.  What possessed me?  The dark, grey ice-covered days?  A hormonal surge?  Who knows?  But I’m fessing up to it and moving on.  I did exercise—yoga, and go for a walk but I did eat a brownie and 2 muffins.  Thankfully, my sweets deprived kids are going crazy and eating most of my guilt away.  I have kept up with chopped up, washed veggies ready to go in the fridge, which inspires me to much them when I open the fridge during the day.  Still, hoping for spring and some fresh resources for fruits and veggies. 

We had a “moms’ night out” last night.  We bring food and drink and get together to talk, and breathe, without the voices and hands of our little people.  I brought cut up veggies and a dip I made with plain yogurt, which actually got compliments!  I just drank my mug of tea and ate veggies, but had no usual guilt over how much or what I was eating.  I just focused on my much deserved “mommy break”. 

One pound Monday—I’ll take it.  Maybe I’m physically unable to lose more than one pound in a week.  Maybe I have to admit that that I’m not exactly killing myself to lose more.  I’ve only done very simple changes to my lifestyle and had a couple (Ok a couple hundred) slip ups.  For now, I’ll take the one pound and continue to ponder on what’s holding me back from just letting this weight go. 

So my brother and sister-in-law came for dinner—a fairly typical Sunday early dinner.  I made lasagna and bread and a big salad.  I also made a strawberry rhubarb pie for dessert.  Sunday dinner with family is one of those food “events”, where it is about eating and appreciating the food and companionship.  The meal is big, and we do frequently have a salad with it, but always dessert too.  It’s just one more of those aspects of our life that we need to either accept that a couple times a month we will have a big family meal, or try to somehow change the meal to make it healthier.  Or incorporate a wrestling match or dodgeball tournament after to burn off all those calories?  I’m just not sure yet how to find a balance between the big family meal and the “diet”.  Usually I just say f*** it and eat, with little regard for what or how much.  Tonight I tried to at least be mindful, eating more salad than lasagna, and a smaller amount of dessert than I really wanted.  I just am not sure if that is enough.

I knew Paul was going home the second I saw that plate of chicken wings.  Is it weird that they all had family get-togethers full of unhealthy food?  Obviously their families know that they’ve been on a super strict diet for the past 7 weeks, and that they would be very challenged.  I guess when you personally don’t have a weight issue that you are working on maybe you don’t obsess about healthy vs. unhealthy food constantly.  It just didn’t seem very supportive.  I thought it was great that people lost weight and stuck to their diets at home.  Bernie’s cupcake looked awesome.  My 3 year old said “WHAT is THAT?”  with awe and wonder—I was totally there. 

So zero pounds today.  I really expected as much, and was grateful that it wasn’t a gain, but it still sort of makes you feel like shit.  Last night a commercial came on TV and Tim said, “you know, it’s been a month and a half since I had a cheeseburger…or a doughnut.”  We have made a lot of changes, and I am proud of those changes.  Those changes are changes that will help us maintain a weight loss, but not quite enough to help us lose the extra weight we already have.  It’s about letting go of all of those habits that are killing us, which seems dramatic, but true.  Tim has shin splints and so is having a hard time with exercising right now.  I’m trying to get him to do some yoga, but he feels let down by his body.  Just another realization that it’s only going to get worse if we don’t lose this weight now—not another resolution for next year, this is going to happen for us this year.  We just need to believe.

OK, so I took a small break, but I’m back!  Valentines Day was a treat fest at our house, so I’ll only go into the briefest of explanations.  The 13^th was the day I had to make cupcakes for our daughter to take for her school party the next day.  I did lick the frosting bowl, because, well, I just love frosting, which is wrong, but honest.  I did manage to not eat any cupcakes, so felt OK about the whole bowl-licking thing---UNTIL the 14^th arrived.  Our daughter brought home a few cupcakes that were leftover after her party and it was Valentines Day, so I ate a cupcake.  Still, one treat, I was feeling OK—UNTIL Tim got home and brought me a box of Godiva chocolates—my favorites, and a pretty standard gift of love from him, but still, I am dieting, so maybe a little hateful too.  So while I did not eat an entire box of chocolates by myself, I was very generous in my sharing.  I did eat many chocolates over the course of the last couple days.  They are gone now, and I am refocusing.  Our meals haven’t been too bad, though Friday night we did have pizza—chicken ranch—which is one of our long time favorites.  We need to regroup a bit, recommit to what we’re doing here.  I know we can’t totally, constantly deprive ourselves, but it’s so easy to fall back into unhealthy habits, it’s a little scary.  I feel like right now, it almost has to be an all or nothing mentality.  So I can stay focused, so I can stay committed to changing my life. 

Back on track, with one pound lost last week.  I was hoping for 2, to make up for last weeks zero, but I’ll take one above zero any day.  I’m still eating too much.  I’ve been consistent with walking on the treadmill every day, and doing yoga at least 3 days a week, but I’m still eating too much.  That’s going to have to be my goal for this week.  I think I’m going to try doing 5 mini-meals, and see if it helps me to eat less.  The 3 meal and one snack thing isn’t really getting me the results I’d like, so on to a new plan. 

So here’s my problem.  OK, here is ONE of my problems.  I really love food.  Yesterday was grocery shopping day.  Lest you fear I filled my cart with cookies and chips and soda, no, that is not one of my problems.  I just buy a lot of food.  I like to buy things that look good.  So I go to the grocery store and fill my cart with staples—milk, yogurt, cottage cheese, bread, eggs, oatmeal, raisons, etc..  Then I go to Whole Foods, because well, the meat and produce there is better than anywhere else, especially in the dead of winter.  So there I fill my cart with spinach and kale, oranges, apples, bananas, avocados, tomatoes, mangoes, kiwi, … and then to the fish and meat counter—lean beef, whole chicken, chicken breasts, salmon fillets.  Oh, and they had these sausage links with blueberries—see here begins my problem.  They also had this really yummy looking cheese with cranberries, and then I had to find some whole grain crackers to eat with my cheese, and bottle of organic wine…and well, you can maybe see where I ran into problems.  I love good food.  A lot. I love to buy food, I love to cook food, I love to eat food.  When they cooked meals on Biggest Loser this week, I was really excited to try to make some of the things they did.  Didn’t that steak with blue cheese look SO good?  Yes, I bought steak and blue cheese crumbles at Whole Foods.  So, ONE of the problems I’m having is to downplay the MAJOR role food has in my life.  Is this even possible?

I’ve come to realize these last few weeks how often I use “treats” as something special with the kids, especially my youngest, who is home with me all day.  After playgroup we’ll stop at Culver’s to get him a shake, or after story hour we’ll walk over to the bakery for a cookie.  At the grocery store “If you behave you can get a treat at the end.” Always food, always sweet.  I think part of this is just how I was raised, the whole treats = reward thing.  So I’m trying to think of better ways to make things “special” or offer a treat.  Because all too frequently a cookie for my son is also a cookie for Mommy.  I’ve stopped buying junk food to bring into the house, but it’s harder when we’re out and about, just one more habit to break. 

Another snow day here in Wisconsin—anyone else tired of winter?  Thankfully, I’ve been working on lowering the fat and upping the veggies in some of my soup recipes, and have quite a few to choose from on a day like this.  Still working on the whole bread thing—but I have started making whole grain breads, whole wheat, oatmeal…I don’t really want to live in a bread free world.  But I can live without white bread.  I like making my own bread as well, which reduces all the added preservatives and chemicals in bread, and I can make sure that they fat is olive oil and the flour is whole grain and the sugar is honey, which I like.  But a snow day would not be complete without hot cocoa, so I made this with fat free milk, real cocoa powder, a little sugar and vanilla—yummy.  I’m not a huge fan of fat free milk.  I just don’t really like the taste, but I am buying it, to cut out some unhealthy fats.  Oh, and I only buy organic milk—who needs the hormones?  A snow day makes it easy to fit in a long walk on the treadmill and a yoga video too.  But, sorry, I’m making Tim shovel.

So, this morning was my weigh in, and I lost 0 pounds.  Yes, zero.  I didn’t gain any, but the scale did not go down.  I did eat unhealthy food yesterday, and a lot of it was salty, some chips, barbecue sauce on a pulled pork sandwich, pasta salad.  I didn’t necessarily over-eat, but I definitely did not eat healthily.  A handful of M&M’s, a small slice of chocolate cake, a handful of Chex mix—oh yeah, I did it all.  So, back to the real world and our healthy diet.  I did exercise on Saturday and Sunday.  I was back on the treadmill this morning, trying to prove that scale wrong.  Oatmeal for breakfast, veggies for lunch with a smoothie of yogurt, fruit and protein powder.  And water. Lots of water.  Back on track for a new week.